I hate Monday… Nights

Dear Journal,

I thought I would die last night. I thought that was the end. Learning is fun until you learn you have shin splints, something you never knew existed and they hurt the way you imagine broken bones would hurt. I’ve been running in pain for the past week, I don’t know if I’m worsening the situation by training harder or building the muscle. Whatever is happening, I am still experiencing immense pain.

My legs started hurting so much I woke up at midnight with tears rolling down my cheeks. I cried silently because I didn’t want to wake my roommates up and my body was too weak to use any energy to cry louder. I struggled and got out of bed to go get water to take ibuprofen. It took me 30 whole minutes which felt like an eternity, to walk out of my bedroom door to the sink and back. I kept falling and trying to get back up.

When I finally took the medicine and started to slowly climb up my bed, my mom called. Perfect timing. I was depressed already and felt so alone, her voice was the brightest ray of sunshine. But, I couldn’t talk much. The pain kept fogging my brain and she was so confused. All she knew was her baby was crying. She later told me this morning that her whole day was a wreck because of that call.

Sorry mum.

These past few days have been interesting. I have been getting different recommendations from different people about how to fix my shin splints. Nothing has been working. I have been feeling like a lead weight holding the team back on their excellence since I am slower due to the pains I experience whenever I use my legs.

Last Saturday was worse because I actively could not do much after the first round of practice. My legs were throbbing. I also was the only girl present that day and I felt even more compelled to run faster.

There was no practice on Friday and Sunday, I went to the FOX Theatre in St. Louis to watch a play called Company. Alex and his fianceé invited me, he got free VIP tickets to the play from his boss and we sat like rich folks in the high booth and watched the play. It was amazing. The performance, sound effects, actors, everything, was top-notch.

But as usual, the drive back to my apartment with Alex involved him asking how much I had in my savings account, and proceeding to condemn me when I said over three thousand. “You should have eight thousand saved now.” Yeah Alex, I also wish I could save $8,000 from the $10,000 I earn a year and could get another job to work more hours and not have to pay so much tuition and rent out of pocket. Not to mention my family back in my home country who depend on me for their financial needs.

I just know that somehow, I’ll be fine. I will find my way. I decided right then during that drive that I was better off spending less time with Alex. And that would be the last time he would ask me about my savings amount and get a response.