The Love Department
Dear Journal,
As you might’ve imagined, I’m failing in this department. I think I might be the most hopeless romantic human in existence. As in, I am hopeless if it involves anything romantic. The question I always ask myself if I try imagining myself in a romantic situation is, what do I even bring to the table? I am not rich yet, I am not actually fit, I don’t even know so much about anything. Plus, the Universe is insanely meticulous at keeping situations like that far away from me. However, whenever a few slip by Her, She makes sure I get heartbroken.
In the past weeks, I have experienced so much. My shin splints got slightly better, and I went on to participate in four track meets. I beat my record at every single meet. I run 100- and 200-meter races, so I guess I am officially a sprinter. Last Thursday, I got the President’s Rising Star Award and scholarship, and... I think this should be a separate post.
My most recent heartbreak happened yesterday. I started to like this nice-looking guy who works at the receptionist table in the school gym. I started going to the gym just to see him and spent some time talking to him after working out till we became friends. My friends could tell I liked him, and he acted like he did too. He always stared a little too long, told me I was a princess and he wished he could be the frog, seemed excited to see me, and asked if I could make a famous dish from my country for him and his family. He told me he thought it would make me happy to experience a piece of home again.
BUT, he wouldn’t go get ice cream after work with me because he was too busy with homework, sorry. He also spoke about and to his ex even though he was ‘over’ her. And I felt like I was doing most of the work in conversations. He makes good responses but I can feel he can do better and is holding back. I thought it was probably all in my head.
*Sigh.
He came to work yesterday looking sad. So, I asked him what happened, and after convincing him for a while, he finally looked in my eyes and said he was sad because he was leaving for a different state soon and there was this amazing girl he had started talking to and really liked.
*Gasp! Is he talking about me???
Ha! Spoiler alert, nope.
It was another “incredible” girl who he had been spending nights with for a couple of weeks. They had spent time together last night and she hugged him for a long time before he left. He told me how perfect she was and how if this was a different lifetime he would’ve loved to date her.
What did I do?
Well, I listened, gave my advice, and left, keeping my expression as neutral as humanly possible. I cried myself to sleep. I later found out that he spent over an hour last week talking to one of my friends even though she didn’t try to contribute fully. Turns out, he could make the conversation better, but just not with me.
Maybe I romanticized everything we did together. Or maybe he liked the attention and played along to keep it coming. He could’ve talked about her in one of the random conversations we had. To give me a hint that he had someone so I would back off. But he didn’t.
Thanks a lot, Will.
Whatever, I called him a week later to tell him I liked him and was working toward getting over it. That’s what I always do before or after getting rejected. It helps me heal. And I’ve gotten rejected a lot lol.
I hate talking about love and the sort because I think it’s important when other people experience it and foolish when I do. I could be doing something important like learning coding instead of sulking. I wish I could remove that part of my brain that experiences romantic love. Then I’ll be free and effective.
